Ruins of False Hopes

Tonight must be my best ever here in California. All of the closest friends I met here were there at my send-off party. It became a sort of jamming session with Lovine’s guitar and whatever-you-call-that-box. I never realized how we can all enjoy each other through music… I guess we just have similar tastes and likes in music…

But that’s not my point in writing this… after tonight… after they all left… I was alone… I am alone. I’m back to where I was before some of them came…. here in front of the monitor talking to myself…. and sad.

I feel tired… and wasted… but most of all… sad… I have not really cried though… I guess the tears will come out when the fact that I really am not gonna be with my friends for a while has sunk in… it has not at the moment… and just thinking of that moment is too painful already.

Thank you Gi, Dave, Chester, JM, Lianne, Lovine, BJ (and JJ, Mica, and Anna) for being with me at my last Saturday here in California. I really am not sure when I’m gonna see you guys again, but when I come back, I really hope to see you all again of course… jamming ulet (heheheh Lovine salamat at may dala kang stuff hehehhe) I will never forget you guys… I will always cherish all the times we shared… Gi… I will try my best to be back in time for your birthday… I promised and so I will try my very best to fulfill that… Dave, I will see you in May, ayt? All the others, I will see you pagbalik ko ha?

Take care always… mahal ko kayo. *hugs

mar 4 ‘05 3:59 p.m. 24 hour fitness la mirada parking lot

It’s raining again… seems like the weather is pouring on my face what I truly feel. I want to break down, but my tears had abandoned me, I seem to have given them all out already. Andthere goes the rain. I’m stuck to this feeling of wanting to go out and enjoy the sun. But where is it when I need it the most? It’s right there behind the darkest of clouds, and like me, it tries to come out, i tries to bring brightness to this gloomy day. Why am I feeling this anyway? I’m not sure myself. I don’t think it’s the thought of going back to where I ran away from. It’s not the sadness of leaving some people that has become a huge part of my life. It’s not even the frightening truth that I will literally be by myself for a whole 20 hrs or so. I don’t know. Forget it, I’m goin’ to work. Urgghh…

Haay… another pad of paper to waste… i need more ink…