Ruins of False Hopes

It’s been how many years since I last saw you… then makikita ko na lang na meron ka nang kasama sa pic… leche. nagseselos nga siguro ako. bitter even. i know, wala akong K, pero pare, obvious naman sigurong noon pa lang gusto na kita diba?

nakakainis ka. bakit ba hindi tayo? bakit ba hindi mo ko ginusto? ah leche, I know. kase, alam mo na, hindi ako sexy. bwiset. bitter ako talaga. maganda naman ako diba? [Nina, panget ba ako? ](nyahahahahahhaha)

Pwede bang maging high school tayo ulet? Pero this time, I’ll be better. Wala na bang chance? Shit. Mukang wala na nga. Okay. Blabbering over. Hindi ko na lang titingnan ulet ang mga pics nyo. Good luck. You know you can still make kwento, you can still talk to me? It’s not like I’ll snatch you away from her, haller? may buhay na rin naman ako. Ako ang joe d’ whatever mo diba? diba? diba? sinabi mo yan sakin non? So anung nagbago? Why did you stop talking to me? Why? Why? Why? Nanghihinayang lang ako sa friendship natin… bagay tayong magkaibigan eh… kase pareho tayong weird at kakaiba… pareho tayong hibang sa idea of love… pareho tayo eh.. kaya nga we repel… diba? pero kelangan bang pati friendship mag-end? kumustahin mo naman ako… andito lang ako. buhay pa ko.

Today I found myself wondering why I feel sad… why all of a sudden nothing feels right… I feel inspired at work and I see a lot of people… but nothing seems to be making a lot of sense… I was not in my world.

I feel like my trial period is over and that I have to face the truth that this is not where I belong… that I should go back… that I should give up pride and stop trying something I will never succeed on doing… because I can do something I’ve proven to have done perfectly before… yup.. I admit it was probably a wrong wish to leave it for a while.

At some point, I regret that I let them get to me… that I let them think that I’m not committed or taht I wanted to do something else… when in fact all I wanted to do was something MORE.

I hope I get a second chance. I hope I get to reverse a wish. I hope I can go back to that fork road again and choose the other way… I hope I don’t get burned anymore… I hope I don’t feel discriminated anymore… I hope I finally get what I deserve…